Scotland: Ayr and Glasgow

In this leg we headed toward Glasgow to see the city and catch some Commonwealth Games action.

26.07.2014 - 30.07.2014

On our way we stopped in to Calzean Castle. It's pretty impressive and the grounds are enormous - but the visit was a little hampered by a 'private function' involving 600 bouncy castles and non-stop tween pop-music on the front lawns. Thinking it was some rich kid's birthday party or some such left a bit of bile in the back of my throat. The interior was predictable - grand and that. The entrance room was chokka with weapons which was fascinating, and the oval staircase was neat. But the best thing for us were the lego men, amusingly positioned in the rooms for kids to find.

Calzean Castle with Bouncy Castle(s) in front.

Armoury room - at one time second in size only to the Royal Armoury!

The spiral stair

Bumblie bee butt in the grounds

Tiny frog butt in the grounds

Our next stop was Alloway, the birthplace of Robbie Burns. We headed to his museum. I had no idea who Robbie Burns was (or 'Rabbie' in the local lingo) and I struggled to get my head around the idol-ism. I gather he is some kind of national treasure. The wee lightning tour was interesting. I had a read but his poetry is entirely incomprehensible to me. So I found the whole 'oh he slept around and was a drunken dickhead most of the time, what a scallywag' thing rather weird. National treasure?

Anyway, the staff saw the childlike glee eminating from Kate and provided her a kids goody bag and bonnet. We did a few of the tasks but it all got rather boring - 'don't tell us how to have fun!' - so we stopped the foolishness and looked for a camp site to empty our exploding toilet.

Kate with a big mouse, some Burn's poem about a mouse n that.

A holiday hotspot so close to Glasgow, most of the camp sites were fully booked. Running down the list of options we were fortunate enough to secure a spot in one for the night - unfortunately it was the site from hell. Mostly wall-to-wall static caravans, difficult to access facilities, a shower little more than a trickle, next to a family with kids. Then a terrible band kicked off at 9 and didn't shut up until 12. It just wasn't our idea of a 'good time' and we were left a little, well, depressed. It's a shitty thing to say, but how bad are these folks' lives when this is the 'highlight'?!

£24 a night for this, or...

...this, for nothing?

We headed on up the coast to Irvine in the morning, to visit the Scottish Maritime Museum. I was hoping for something as neat as that I visited in Falmouth, but it wasn't of the ilk! Taking 'industrial access lane' and it's brethren we arrived at a rather large compound. They'd actually moved this enormous ship-building shed to the site in 2009 and it all looked pretty exciting. Inside the enormous shed were giant machine tools of all sizes and lots of neat wee hands-on things for kids. However there wasn't a cohesive story really - we just weren't wowed by the experience. To cover the maritime history of a hugely marine nation like Scotland in such a manner - I feel like there's a lot of fantastic stories and adventures on the seas that were left out.

Scottish Maritime Museum

Hands-on - moving some rivets.

In the evening we parked at Loch Kilbirnie and watched a chap jet-ski about, before we discovered yet-another fantastic van-couch configuration - I present the L-shaped couch!

After a slow-n-lazy morning we headed in to Glasgow, planning on knocking off some sites before the boxing the next day. Driving in to town, I started to have a bit of a panic over parking. I'd put all my eggs in to this Shields Road park and ride basket, completely forgetting about the games!

Arriving at the park and ride we confronted about five commonwealth games volunteers and a near-empty car park - it wasn't looking good. The car park had been designated as an accessible park so us common-folk were being shepherded in to the parking building - which we clearly were too high for. Fortunately my pathetic plead of 'we just want to visit Glasgow' worked on the kindly volunteer and we got honorary disabled access for the day.

We jumped on the near-deserted Glasgow tube (which neither of us knew existed) and headed in to the city. Arriving at Buchannan Street, the heart of chain-shop shopping, we enjoyed the jovial festive atmosphere as we passed St George Square on our way to the Cathedral district.

The 'Clockwork Orange' Glasgow tube

Atmosphere at St George's square

Kate entertaining the crowds with her one-tune wonder

Glasgow Cathedral is a fascinating place - very dark and gothic. The ambience was somewhat modified by the terrible bagpiper outside asking 'are you against human traffiking?' but inside it was something else.

Glasgow Cathedral

Climbing a neighbouring hillock to the Necropolis (where rich Glaswegians get buried) we were treated to lovely views of the city:

Glasgow from the Necropolis

Heading back down the hill we visited the Glasgow Modern Art Gallery. The main gallery showcase, during a rather momentous hosting event for the city, was a bunch of old televisions displaying various videos from some local artist. Walking around the screens we saw looping videos of him erotically fingering his own hands, flipped scenes from famous films (such art!) and other shit. The best video was an elephant standing up and walking around - don't get me started on modern art! The only thing not modern were the toilets. We left promptly. No donation.

Meandering through town we arrived at Sauchiehall Street, one of Glasgow's main streets. It reminded me a bit of Cuba St back in Wellington, in that it got less and less busy the cooler it got. We popped in to a near-deserted pub for a much-enjoyed pint then climbed over the hill to the Tenement House. This is a National Trust house, a flat of a woman who lived a spartan life, keeping everything pretty much as it was in 1912. When she died in the 80s the trust snapped it up and it is really a fascinating wee timewarp. For me it reminded me a lot of my Grandma's place in Ashburton - old irons and vacuum wiper thingies and all that. Neat!

Glasgow Tenement House - ring the bell and the NT person lets you in.

One interesting thing for me was a flier from the depression. They had requested whether there were things people could spend their money on to help the local community - like paint the kitchen, that kind of thing. Encouraging the reader to spend money to employ folks in their local community. Thing read real socialist, it interested me how the times have changed.

For the evening we headed some 10 miles south of Glasgow, to the Gleniffer Braes country park. Arriving at this secluded park with lovely views over fields of Highland cattle we waved and waited out the dog walkers, joggers and cyclists, expecting a quiet night. What we got could not be further from it.

Highland cow. The things this cow has seen...

As we went about our evening business, cars kept coming and going. Relentlessly. Mostly with a solitary driver. One chap in his 60s parked up nearby and was grinning at us inanely. Kate is rather friendly so waved to the man: 'Hello good sir!'
'hello, nice day' he replies - then winds up his window.
'Well, that was rude' we think - and then BANG - there he is, right at our window.
We share some pleasantries, he asks about what we're doing. We explain how we met.
He asks about the van, how the bed configures. I oblige, explaining how it all folds down in to a queen bed.
He seems impressed, says there's a nice walk nearby then drives off.
So strange.

Made stranger when he returns 10 minutes later, with another solo chap in a different car. They both grin and leer at us. Around this time Kate suggests 'maybe this is a dogging site'.
After a quick search (thanks Google) it turns out that yes indeed this is a dogging site.
Dogging, if you aren't aware, is where exhibitionists can turn up and have sex in front of a bunch of voyeurs. In this case they were lecherous old men and once we discovered this I didn't much enjoy the feeling women must feel all the time -being ogled by these horrid old gentlemen. We pulled the curtains and went about our evening, but the sound of gravel crunching non-stop as people popped in and out looking for a bit of adventure didn't do much for my sound nights sleep!

So after a strenuous evening I was never so happy to see the dawn and security of sunshine and dog walkers. We had a relaxed morning then headed back in to Glasgow – destination the Scottish Exhibition and Conference Centre (SECC) and the Commonwealth Games boxing.

Hoping to park at our previous park, we arrived to a stone-faced volunteer who just said ‘full’ repeatedly until we backed out of the entrance and left. A bit lost, we stumbled around the hideous roads winding below the motorway and eventually found a pay and display park in a demolished lot. It was pretty chokka but I managed to cram Dotty in there via a 9-point turn just in time – and was promptly parked in, as can happen if you’re not careful in a vehicle with such a rear-end overhang! Hoping the park would empty out by the time we left we headed out.

We were shepherded over bridge after bridge over the river Clyde to arrive at the SECC – and after a quick metal detection by her majesties finest we were in the pavilion.

Entering the SECC

From the Clyde

Having never been (or having had any interest in) boxing it was all new to me. Some corny countdown by Scottish athletes on the overhead screens opened things up with the pre-requisite dance music and things were off! They were just preliminaries and quarter final matches but the crowd was buzzing – most just happy to go to something rather than being boxing aficionados.

The bouts started with lightweight men’s boxing, which was OK. Then the big bruisers lumbered in for their preliminaries and things got a bit more interesting. These podgy lumbering behemoths from countries I’d never heard of wandered in to take a battering from mountains of muscle from countries I had heard of. It was disconcerting to notice yourself thinking ‘YEA PUNCH HIM IN THE HEAD’ – then remember that’s some chap up there being beaten unconscious. But despite the barbarity the excitement was palpable in the Scotland vs England bout. The English guy was a class above the Scot, but with Scottish attitude the Scotsman kept getting up, eventually roaring a crowd-pleasing defiant bellow when it was pretty clear he was finished. Very Scotland/England!

English chap vs Scottish chap

After that the women’s boxing started – for the first time in Commonwealth Games history. The ladies were under 50kg and it was really boring compared with the heavyweights we’d just watched – I tried to pay attention but eventually zoned out as the ring gradually emptied.

In the evening I was rather determined to find a park not related to dogging. I found another country park – this time north of the city. Just to be sure, I did a wee search of the park with ‘dogging’ – and sure enough, even more popular spot than the previous! So with my search history looking quite salacious we headed out a bit further to a lovely park next to the Harelaw Dam.

More peaceful.

Our final visit to Glasgow saw us at the Glasgow Science Mall. Quite a hefty price at £10, but well worth it! Three floors of mind-challenging puzzles and demonstrations of science, really thoughtfully developed and implemented – and unlike most places like this, almost all of the exhibitions worked. It was so much fun! We had special puzzles to solve, robo-limbs to manipulate, tornados to start, magnetic liquid to play with, predator-esque heat-cameras, aging demonstrations and so much more besides. A must do for all ages – I looked on the ‘watching and waiting’ parents with distain.

Mesmerising magnetic liquid at the Glasgow Science Mall

WATCH OUT!

This is how I will look in 2024 if I keep drinking as I do. Fantastic!

After lunch in the van I left Kate to recouperate and headed in to the city to visit the Riverside Museum. As the crow flies this was just over the river, but with the SECC so close by and the bridges being used as visitor one-way lanes for the venue, I ended up having to skirt around the entire complex on a 45 minute hike. Passing by more obstructions of the games, namely the Lawn Bowls complex, I found myself right beside the Kelvingrove Museum and Art Gallery – so I went there instead.

Kelvingrove Museum

A beautiful building built in 1901, the museum is quite outstanding with beautiful artworks and plenty of natural history and ancient culture and all the rest. I enjoyed seeing some more work from E A Hornel (whose house and studio we had visited in Kirkcudbright). I hadn’t time to stop long however, and dashed up to Glasgow University to visit the Hunterian museum before it closed.

Glasgow university

Finding my way around the university campus to the Hunterian museum was in itself worth the visit – such a beautiful complex! Hunter was the same hunter as the Hunterian museum in London (he was Glasgow U alumni) and there were an assortment of pickled oddities as well as curiosities from around the globe – a fascinating place, I wish I had had more time.

Creepy huh! Glasgow Hunterian Museum

For the night we parked up in a wee park within the Ranfurly Castle Golf Course west of the city. Some previous scumbags had left litter everywhere. While Kate cooked us a lovely Risotto dinner (I marvel at what she can do with a frying pan, slotted spoon and a pot!) I donned the rubber gloves and picked up things rather foul to mention. A gross job but after I put the bag away in the van I felt really good afterward. Not only was I making sure no one thought we were piece of shit-scumbags littering everywhere, but I was making this wee car park better for our visit. I still suffer a little guilt for free camping, taking from these communities without really giving a lot, so this is something I will continue when I notice a litter problem in our future parks.

In the morning we were headed to the wee village of Tighnabruaich to visit Kate’s rallies – but that’s a story for another day because this post is horrendously long!